Five Jokes: 5-17-2024
The 'Young Sheldon' Finale, A Supreme Court Justice Says "My Wife Did It," OpenAI's Reddit Deal, College Acceptance Snafu, and The Vatican's Ghostly Update
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Hey! It’s Friday in America and — and *genuine moment alert* I can’t believe I’ve finally crossed the “300 subscribers” mark here at the newsletter. There are 315 of you weirdos now + 398 followers in the substack eco-system. To celebrate, I’ll attempt smiling in the mirror for a change.
If you’re enjoying these — maybe tell a friend about it! Anyway, here are Five Jokes!
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Y’all hear about this?..
The final episode of Young Sheldon aired last night. But don’t worry. The trilogy will soon be complete with a sequel series titled, Ghost Sheldon.
U.S. Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito claimed that his wife, Martha-Ann, had sole responsibility in displaying an upside-down American flag outside the couple's home in the aftermath of the 2020 election. To which reporters asked, “Was… was that a Borat voice you just used?”
OpenAI struck a deal with Reddit to train its AI on your posts. And the latest Apple update finally stops Siri from saying “Crying naked pale bald guy with gritted teeth and red eyes behind smiling face mask” whenever you ask it about something:
1,500 college applicants thought they were accepted but soon learned it was an error. Hogwarts has issued an apology for dispatching the wrong owls.
Finally…
Today, the Vatican is offering insight on apparitions and other supernatural phenomena in a press conference set to be streamed live on YouTube. Some speculate Pope Francis will announce the capture that he’s caught Holy Spirit… in one of those Ghostbusters traps.
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
Enter the wonderfully strange world of Connor O’Malley in his latest special…
STRAY THOUGHT
SOMETHIN’ MORE!
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upcoming shows
STAGE READING: Sunday, May 19, 2024 @ 7:30 PM - 8:10 PM — I’ll be part of the stage reading of Shaun Menchel’s Area 27 pilot as part of Brooklyn Comedy Collective’s Pitchfest! (TICKETS)
SHORT FILM: Chemistry Test
A few years back, Andrew Sanford told me about an odd chemistry test experience. I’d never even heard of one, which added to the strangeness. I said “hey, you should write something about that” and now it’s a short somehow starring me and co-directed by Jim Fagan that you can finally see May 31st in Brooklyn for TOOTSIE'S VIDEO VAULT at Littlefield! 7PM Doors 8PM Show (TICKETS)
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See you next week with…
If Reddit is training AI, hopefully my comments about Carrie Bradshaw not being a Pickme will be useful!