Five Jokes: 5-5-2025
Universal Antivenom, Lady Gaga's Huge Concert, Mike Pence's Award, A SpaceX Company Town, and A Potential Government Text Hack
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Hey! It’s Monday in America, there’s a new Spike Lee joint in town…
…President Trump said he would impose a 100% tariff on movies “produced” outside the U.S., and —
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed some of my deep dives on past comedic projects while I was away.
And now it’s finally time to step back into the routine. Here are FIVE JOKES!
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Y’all hear about this?..
Universal antivenom may grow out of a man who let snakes bite him 200 times. Turns out, the only way to functionally use the U.S. healthcare system, is to literally become a marketable vaccine.
Lady Gaga’s free concert on Rio’s Copacabana Beach drew a record-breaking 2.5 million people. Said one concert-goer, “Hey… I’m pretty sure that distant, screaming, white dot down there was in Joker 2!”
Brazilian police say they thwarted plot to bomb the concert. However, conflicting reports claim the planned attack reached a halt as one of the terrorists was overheard saying, “Wait… did you say Joker 2?! I love that movie!”
Former Vice President Pence has received the Profile in Courage Award for his actions during the capitol insurrection. In his speech, Pence stated, “You know that phrase ‘If these walls could talk?’ And ‘It’s like watching paint dry?’ Well, that’s what you’re witnessing at this very moment. I shall now return to my place of origin: An old bag of plaster in an Indiana Home Depot. May we all become room uniters, and not room dividers. Thank you.”
SpaceX employees near the company’s Texas launch site voted to incorporate as Starbase, Texas. Sad, really. “Lone Star Base” was right there.
Finally…
TeleMessage, a modified Signal clone used by US government officials, has been hacked. However, that’s the easy part. Now, spies must decipher whether “Easy Chease” is the president’s actual lunch order, or a code phrase for “nuke Wisconsin.”
Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!
If you enjoyed those —
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
Pixelated Boat rarely gets it wrong…
STRAY THOUGHT
Huh… Guess I had boats on the brain…
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
PBS reveals how public libraries became an American civic institution…
dissects the inside-baseball surrounding Ryan Coogler’s hit, Sinners…
And… reports on what it was like experiencing the blackouts in Porto (which I narrowly escaped during my trip back home!):
SOMETHIN’ MORE
In addition to yesterday’s special May the 4th episode of where myself, Jim Fagan, and Greg Iwinski discuss Andor season 2 and Star Wars Celebration…
…click below and explore a random segment of the newsletter!
“Why are is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it all here:
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