Five Jokes: 5-6-2025
Haptic Tech, Trump vs Musk, Stranded ICE Agents, The NFL's Future, and Scorsese’s Preferred Cinema Experience
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Hey! It’s Friday in America, Emily Wirth and I are co-hosting a new standup showcase called RAD COMEDY happening every Thursday night starting June 26 at Radegast Hall in Williamsburg, Brooklyn —
— and here are FIVE JOKES!
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Y’all hear about this?..
The TSA is working on haptic tech to 'feel' your body in virtual reality — but they’d save a lot of money by just hiring middle school nerds who can do they exact same thing through sheer mind power.
The rift between US President Donald Trump and his former adviser Elon Musk has erupted into the open, with both lobbing barbs at each other on the social media sites they each own. If only they had the nerve to engage in person like real men in a passive aggressive battle of the wits to see who can nod and say “…sup?” the meanest.
Nearly a dozen ICE officials and a group of eight deportees have been left stranded and confined in a makeshift South African detention center after a judge blocked their removal to South Sudan. A predicament known by quantum physicists as Schrödinger's ICE Bucket Challence.
Jason Wright, former president of the Washington Commanders, says his experience in NFL circles suggests the league is close to opening itself up to foreign investment. Can’t wait for the all-American Patriots team to be partially Spanish and on siesta.
Finally…
Martin Scorsese says he no longer watches films in theatres because he’s so appalled by the behavior of his fellow cinemagoers. The statement serves as a soft launch for the patented new Scorsese brand of CinemaToilets, suitable for optimal comfort while viewing films projected onto the wall in front of you. Each purchase comes with complimentary triple-quilted “Mean Sheets.”
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
Hoff Matthews and the search for shame…
STRAY THOUGHT
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No surprise to me to hear that about Scorsese. He's a film purist who severely dislikes what the industry has become, so naturally he has reservations about sitting with the poltroons who made it so...