Five Jokes: 5-7-2024

Met Gala Fashion, Tornado Uptick, Social Security Extension, Amazon Drones vs Arizona Heat, and Less Marvel Movies

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Hey! It’s Tuesday in America, and I can’t believe I read this in elementary school and never become emo or goth:

Anyway, here are Five Jokes!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• Gigi Hadid said her Met Gala dress bore 2.8 million beads. She then whispered, “Is that normal?”

• Over 100 tornadoes have swept through the central and southern U.S. in just one week — so, it’s hard to imagine people in those areas standing in line to see Twisters. “Uh… three tickets for whatever the opposite of that swirl of wind that ripped by childhood home into the air is, please. Garfield? Oh no… my cat was inside.”

  

• Good News: Social Security and Medicare will run out of money by the mid-2030s — which is later than previously estimated. Bad News: To achieve this, Social Security and Medicare will combine into one program offering coupons for ginger ale.

• Amazon’s delivery drones won't fly in Arizona's summer heat. Garry, the guy who thought he was hired to tape boxes, will:

  

Finally…

• Disney CEO Bob Iger says the company is shrinking the Marvel Cinematic Universe with a new mission to drop the number of Marvel TV series to two a year and the film output to no more than three movies per year. As a result, Marvel movies will be packing even more into each film. In fact, the first movie released under the new mandate is titled Doctor Panther-ine and the Deadpool of Thor Hulk.

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

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🎨: Madhuri Shukla

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

I don’t know how to find the clip of the segment from the John Mulaney live Netflix thing that I thoroughly enjoyed. I think it’s from yesterday’s show? Does Netflix even care that multiple clips from it aren’t readily available on YouTube? Suppose that could be a good thing. I like rarity. Anyway, it was a segment where therapists watched standup clips and gave a general diagnosis. Find it somehow on Netflix. Meanwhile, here’s the trailer for the show as a whole. I think there will be more. Remember T.V. Guide?

STRAY THOUGHT

SOMETHIN’ MORE!

PODCAST: Killed To Death Podcast

I was a guest on this hilarious improvised podcast hosted by Griffin Toplitsky and Steve Cooke.

Upon returning to his child’s daycare to sneak his son out early, Clark Benson (Tim Barnes) discovers the teacher/owner dead in his cot. Along with the deceased’s mother, they talk Jackson Pollock, lunchables, and Red Bull urine!

“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” I explain it here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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