Five Jokes: 6-19-2024

The Los Angeles Unified School District Agrees To Ban Social Media In Schools, Rare Black Hole Sighting, Putin And Jong-un Make A Pact, 'Space Balls 2' In The Works, and Payment Update For 'X'

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Y’all hear about this?..

• The Los Angeles Unified School District's Board of Education approved a resolution to develop a policy that bans student use of cellphones and social media platforms during the entire school day. Now when parents ask “What did you learn in class today?” Children will respond, “I shall only reveal my findings in exchange for information on the happenings within the world wide web.” They talk different with less screen time.

• A gargantuan supermassive black hole in the center of a distant galaxy has been spotted coming back to life. So, yes, the phrase “Black don’t crack” is now a scientific fact.

• While visiting North Korea, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un vowed to build an alliance against ​the U.S. And just like that, Mean Girls 3 has a plot.

• Josh Gad, Mel Brooks & Josh Greenbaum are teaming for a ‘Spaceballs’ sequel. So far, the process is mainly Gad interpretive dancing, Brooks scat singing, and Greenbaum wearing noise cancelling headphones while adding funnier words to old Star Wars scripts.

  

Finally…

• Elon Musk’s X is planning to introduce a Venmo-like payment feature. With this, plus other updates like allowing X-rated videos and muting the ability to see what people “like” — it’s clear that Elon’s pitch for the app was, “OnlyFans, but you can also see what the president is up to.”

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

A classic from Jordan Mendoza…

STRAY THOUGHT

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