Five Jokes: 7-15-2025
Stolen Beyoncé Music, The Rise of Stablecoins, Grok's Government Deal, Food Bank Shortages, and The Gutting Of The U.S. Department Of Education
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Hey! It’s Tuesday in America, the Real Housewives virus has spread to London —
— and here are FIVE JOKES!
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Y’all hear about this?..
Atlanta police are investigating an unidentified suspect who stole Beyoncé's unreleased music, plans for show footage, and past and future set list. Police were granted search warrants for single ladies named Becky with “good hair.” Meanwhile, Beyoncé' has promised to drop all charges if, within the next 24 hours, the thief puts everything they stole in a box to the left.
There is perhaps no hotter segment in the cryptocurrency world at the moment than stablecoins and Congress is on the verge of adopting legislation that would provide a formal framework for the sector, effectively making stablecoins part of U.S. regulations. If that doesn’t work out, the U.S. will move on being backed by the “Chuck E. Cheese Coin Standard.”
A week after Elon Musk’s Grok dubbed itself “MechaHitler” and spewed antisemitic stereotypes, the US government has announced a new contract granting the chatbot’s creator, xAI, up to $200 million to modernize the Defense Department. The White House has agreed to reassess Grok’s status once “it has hands” and starts “making gestures.”
Food banks are running out of food exactly when more Americans will need them. Which is why you should invest all of your *Stablecoins into my new product, Stablcorns™. What’s the difference between Stablecorns™ and regular corn? I’m not entirely sure beyond the fact that unlike regular corn, Stablecorns™are invisible and just as tasty as your imagination allows.
*Stablecorns™ only accepts cash in U.S. dollars.
Finally…
The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that it would allow the Trump administration to resume dismantling the U.S. Department of Education — stipulating that it must “REALLY dismantle it this time. We better not see any unfolded teachers stuffed under your bed.”
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