Five Jokes: 7-24-2023

Twitter X, NBCUniversal Fine, Australian Flights, Legal Weed vs Canine Cops, & Ben Shapiro's "Barbie" Review

Hey, happy Monday. Here are Five Jokes!

Y’all hear about this?..

• Twitter changed its logo to an “X,” and all the birds will be disappearing from the platform. Which means instead of setting simple goals where he could maybe kill two birds with one stone — Elon Musk would rather kill every bird with one stupid idea. But he clearly hasn’t thought this through. Outside of the fact that Twitter will lose all brand recognition, having to say one annoying letter when referring to it just adds more work for everyone! Like — if someone says, “I saw this really funny video on X yesterday…” there’s now a 50% chance they’re talking about staring at a wall, on ecstasy.

  

  The “X” might sound strange, but it apparently isn’t new.

  In 2000, he tried to re-brand PayPal as “X dot com,” but failed — presumably because he pitched the idea in the same tone he shouted “I’m rich, bitch!” in at that Dave Chappelle show last year —

  Linda Yaccarino, current chief executive of the-app-formerly-known-as-Twitter, posted on X, saying: “X is the future state of unlimited interactivity – centered in audio, video, messaging, payments/banking – creating a global marketplace for ideas, goods, services, and opportunities. Powered by AI, X will connect us all in ways we’re just beginning to imagine.”

  So, yeah. We can all look forward to a new cult documentary in, let’s say… two months?

  Linda, blink if you’re okay.

  

• The city of Los Angeles has fined NBCUniversal $250 for illegally cutting trees… that just so happened to be on the path of scheduled WGA/SAG pickets… which just so happened to be during a heatwave. Playing devil’s advocate here — $250 might not sound like much, but it’s more than what the cast of Orange Is The New Black makes in streaming residuals. Plus, my anonymous studio sources tell me that 250 regular dollars is worth a million dollars in AMPTP-bucks: the official currency of the arcade within their secret lair. Do we really want to send the studios into such serious arcade debt?!

  

• As climate targets loom, international flights to and from Australia are on the chopping block. But we can reverse the trend, right? Australia, I’m rooting for you! You can do thi— oh no, here comes Ted Allen.

  

• Legal weed is sending canine cops into retirement. One retired dog is quoted as saying, “First they ended stop-and-sniff, and now this?!” I reached out to the rest of PAW Patrol for comment but have yet to hear back.

Finally…

• Conservative political commentator, Ben Shapiro, seen below in Ricky Gervais cosplay, set fire to Barbie dolls as he slammed the movie for being ‘woke.’

  

  I’m less concerned about his review, and more concerned for the people he sat next to in the theater. I mean, fight-or-flight responses must have kicked when he stepped in… A lone white dude in black with a room full of moviegoers in bubbly Barbie pink… They must’ve been thinking, “This guy either has a gun or a speech.” Not sure why he’s complaining though. There’s already Conservative Barbie. But for some reason Fox News calls her Ainsley Earhardt. Here she is with two Horny Kens.

  

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite?

A Joke From The Vault!

Ahh… 2014. I was so young then and didn’t know it (for the record, I wasn’t 2014 years old).

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If you enjoyed those Five Jokes, check out the jokes from last week!

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

https://twitter.com/anylaurie16/status/1683303679754137600

UPCOMING SHOWS

• “Movie Quiz” - August 7, 7:00PM @ Brooklyn Comedy Collective (TICKETS)

SOMETHING MORE

Take a trip into the Letter’s From African America vault with my 2014 It’s All True! podcast interview with

samantha irby

!