Top 5 Jokes Of The Week!
Top 5 Jokes Of The Week!
Red Carpet Mahem, The Great Wall, Earth's Mysterious Insides, Apple Chatbot, & Church Tourists + An Interview With Eliza Cossio!
Each day this week, I’ve posted 5 jokes. What do you think of the format? Is it annoying/too frequent? Are the jokes not funny enough? Do you wish I simply send this GIF of a dancing dog every day instead? Comment or reply to this email to let me know!
Sending these has helped me escape the ever-devolving Twitter and all of the other replacement apps coming out. In the process, I’ve realized that my joke writing has morphed over the years to serve various algorithms as opposed to what I simply think is a fun joke to tell. My hope is that even if you don’t enjoy some of the punchlines — at least you’ve learned something new from the topical setups!
Anyway, I’ll start putting polls at the end of each Five Jokes update to learn what your favorites are but for now, here are my…
TOP FIVE JOKES OF THE WEEK!
MONDAY: 7-17-2023
Disney characters walked the red carpet at the 'Haunted Mansion' premiere instead of the film's stars due to the SAG strike. My suggestion: instead of “What are you wearing?” reporters should ask “Were the people who created you fairly compensated?”
Wow. America has gone through quite a bit lately, hasn’t it? We’ve powered through a pandemic and an insurrection only to wake up and find red carpets looking like this:
Reporter: “So,are you excited that Oppenheimer is finally out?”
The Mask: “Somebody stop me!”
Reporter: “Anything else you want to say to the fans out there?”
The Mask: “Somebody stop me!”
[read the other jokes from that day here]
TUESDAY: 7-18-2023
Matt Damon told his wife he would take a break — unless Christopher Nolan called. Ahh, yes. The classic “I’ll spend quality time with you unless *this very specific thing* happens” trick. It doesn’t work for most people, but somehow always pans out with Matt! How can we forget that time he said “Sure, I’ll take out the trash — unless I get a call to protect the Great Wall of China”?
[read the other jokes from that day here]
WEDNESDAY: 7-19-2023
The Washington Post also reports that the U.S. is about to open “a new window into Earth’s mysterious insides.” And just like that… millions of men found a new pickup line.
[read the other jokes from that day here]
THURSDAY: 7-20-2023
Apple is testing an AI chatbot but has no idea what to do with it. Which… sounds a lot like something you’d say right before flirting with your AI chatbot. Hey, Tim Cook, not trying to kink shame, but you might want to have a little chat with HR first.
[read the other jokes from that day here]
FRIDAY: 7-21-2023
Flooded with sightseers, Europe’s iconic churches struggle to accommodate both worship and tourism. But, is this really a problem? I mean, think about it — combining worship and tourism works out pretty well when instead of “church” you call it “Comic-Con.”
[read the other jokes from that day here]
If you enjoyed those Five Jokes, check out the first ever Letters from African America post from December, 2022 so that you can fall down the rabbit hole. Or…
CHECK OUT SOMETHING ELSE!
Like my three-day interview with writer/director Eliza Cossio!
Or the latest short story from my sci-fi substack, Alternate Timeline!
UPCOMING SHOWS
“The Good Dog Show” - JULY 23, 7:30PM @ Putnam’s Pub & Cooker, Brooklyn (TICKETS)
“Movie Quiz” - August 7, 7:00PM @ Brooklyn Comedy Collective (TICKETS)
