Five Jokes: 7-24-2024

Musk Backtracks On Financial Trump Support, Apple's Foldable iPhone Technology, Republican Strategies Against Harris, Netanyahu’s Address To Congress, and The Discovery Of "Dark Oxygen"

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Hey! It’s Wednesday in America, and, wow, the Beetle Juice 2 trailer looks legitimately fun!

Anyway, here are Five Jokes!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• Elon Musk backed down from his $45 million a month pledge to Trump, saying he doesn’t ‘subscribe to cult of personality.’ But if it’s anything like a steaming service — good look finding the “cancel” button. Best he can do is pledge slightly less for a ‘cult of personality’ with ads.

• Apple’s first foldable iPhone could arrive in 2026. Writers can’t wait for the tactile experience of crumpling their notes app when they run out of ideas.

• Republican leaders urge colleagues to steer clear of racist and sexist attacks on Harris. “According to our calculations,” said one leader “She is the physical embodiment of a leftist war tactic known as intersectional feminism. Say one wrong thing and… kaboom!”

  

• Dozens of Democrats are skipping Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s address to Congress. Another classic case of “This massive display of imperialist hypocrisy could’ve been an email.”

Finally…

• Scientists are baffled by "dark oxygen" being produced deep in the ocean — describing it as “surprisingly well-spoken.”

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