Five Jokes: 8-14-2024
Starbucks' new CEO, Biden Meets Creators, The Declining Use Of Checks, A.I. Journalism, and Meth Laced Celery
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Hey! It’s Wednesday in America, and TONIGHT I’m hosting a comedy extravaganza at Queens Public Library — (TIX/INFO)
Anyway, here are five jokes!
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Y’all hear about this?..
Starbucks has named Chipotle Chief Executive Officer Brian Niccol as the coffee chain’s new CEO and chairman. Personally, I think that’s too much power. This dude knows too much. No one man should have all them beans.
President Joe Biden is expected to drop by the first ever White House Creator Economy Conference, in a gathering of 100 digital creators and industry professionals. But what they don’t know is that it’s for his brand new video series shot in cutting edge 35mm black-and-white film. “Trust me, teenyboppers. It’ll all make sense in a year once you purchase a ticket and watch it played back a year later accompanied by an underpaid pianist.”
According to a Federal Reserve survey, the average American writes just one check a year. The same survey revealed that 100% of them do so in gibberish, hoping to delay it being cashed.
A Wyoming reporter was caught using artificial intelligence to create fake quotes and stories. It was easy to spot with every headline starting with “Take My Word For It” and quote ending with “sure would be nice if computers ran the world…”
Finally…
Celery was used to conceal more than 2,300 pounds of meth that federal agents discovered in a truck at a farmers market outside Atlanta. But the story doesn’t end there for one celery stick, who will return to its small town and fall in love with a sweet, Christian corn in the first ever live-action made-for-TV Veggie Tales movie. Veggie Tales: Guess Whose Coming To Jesus — coming soon to TBN.
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
A healthy dose of the legendary George Wallace…
STRAY THOUGHT
SOMETHIN’ MORE!
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