Five Jokes: 8-2-2023

WGA, Google Dating, NASA Plus, Lizzo, Ron DeSantis vs Disney

Hey! It’s Wednesday, Donald Trump has been indicted over efforts to overturn 2020 election, and you’re about to get charged for the serious crime of laughing too hard at these Five Jokes!

Y’all hear about this?..

• Yesterday, after nearly 100 days of the writers strike, the AMPTP reached out and requested a meeting to discuss negotiations. On the topic of why this was the best time to reach out, the studios confessed that Walt Disney weighed in. When asked, “Wait… the real Walt Disney?” They said, “Yeah, he finally woke up from his cryogenic slumber.” And when pressed on the exact calendar date of Mr. Walt Disney awakening, they said, “Oh, about two months ago. It just took him a while to watch all of the Marvel movies.”

• Instead of dating apps, a growing number of people are sending long Google Doc descriptions of themselves. Which is fun, as long don’t send the doc with suggestion mode enabled. The last thing you need it a green line with someone commenting, “I think you mean long walks AT the park.” Of course, single nerds are thrilled because dates finally rely on Star Wars logic, where nothing makes sense unless you’ve read the opening crawl.

• NASA is launching its own streaming service called NASA Plus. It’s said to be ad free, family friendly, and full of updated special effects for the moon landing.

• Lizzo’s former dancers have accused her of creating a hostile work environment. Fun Fact: They’re using the Webster’s Dictionary definition of ‘Hostile Work Environment,’ which is “An area in which ‘Truth Hurts’ is played more than once.”

Finally…

• A Disney World district controlled by Ron DeSantis has abolished diversity and equity initiatives. Which brings him a step closer to his dream of turning Disney World into DeSantis Planet — where, for some reason, every roller coaster will have a “Don’t Ask / Don’t Tell” policy. In response to these plans, the recently awakened Walt Disney stated, “Wait, is Thanos real?! He looks so real!”

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

A JOKE FROM THE VAULT!

https://twitter.com/TimBarnes451/status/1424772473313169412

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If you enjoyed those Five Jokes, check out the jokes from yesterday! And consider becoming a paid subscriber!

A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

https://twitter.com/NickyChulo/status/1681406738006941696

UPCOMING SHOWS

• “Movie Quiz” - August 7, 7:00PM @ Brooklyn Comedy Collective (TICKETS)

SOMETHING MORE?

Speaking of WGA strikes, here’s me on BBC World News talking about it *checks notes* multiple months ago!

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See you tomorrow with five more jokes!