Five Jokes: 8-30-2023

Man Arrested After Finding $5,000, Longest Alligator Caught In Mississippi, Texas Drought Reveals Warships, Twitter Allows Political Ads, & Barbie Botox!

A quick heads up that I’ll be taking all of September off due to the fact that I’m GETTING MARRIED. But you can still look forward to some interviews and blog-style posts from me throughout the month. More on that soon! I appreciate all of you who have subscribed so far, paid or unpaid — and hope you aren’t regretting it!

-Tim

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Hey! It’s Wednesday, late night hosts are forming a podcast supergroup to support unemployed staffers, and I’m forming… well… these Five Jokes!

Y’all hear about this?..

• A Connecticut man was arrested months after finding and keeping a bag full of $5,000 in cash in a parking lot. Law experts say he failed to follow the golden rule of discovering $5k in cash: give the police a cut.

• The longest alligator in Mississippi history was captured by hunters. Said every Black person on Mississippi — “Glad it was an alligator, and not me.”

• A Texas drought exposed the resting place of five sunken World War I ships in the Neches River. Found next to the ships: a bowl full of boat keys and an upside down pineapple.

• For the first time since 2019, Twitter now allows U.S. political candidates and parties to advertise. And, if you've seen the current state of Twitter ads, you know that Biden and Trump are in for a surprise when they learn their real competition is Cheech and Chong.

  

Finally…

• “Barbie Botox” is the new injectable trend taking over Tiktok. Look at you, TikTok! All grown now. I remember when you were making Tide Pods trend. Barbie Botox sounds scary too, but…

  

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

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A JOKE FROM THE VAULT!

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SOMETHING MORE?

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See you tomorrow with Five (more) Jokes!