Five Jokes: 8-9-2023
Five Jokes: 8-9-2023
Zoom HQ, Ron DeSantis' New Campaign Manager, Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin, Joe Biden's 'Ghost Guns,' & Angela Merkel's Hair
Hey! It’s Wednesday, the Writers Guild of America strike has reached its 100th day, and here are Five Jokes!
Y’all hear about this?..
Zoom ordered workers to return to the office. And due to the widespread lack of pants on their first day back, the company has swiftly enacted a “Don’t Look Down” policy.
Ron DeSantis has replaced his campaign manager. Taking over the position is his current Chief of Staff, James William Uthmeier. Known by his colleagues as “that toddler in a suit,” Uthmeier also served as the Governor's Chief Ethics Officer, but only after DeSantis learned that “Chief ETHNICS Officer” wasn’t a thing. Uthmeier is best known for frequently insisting that he is not a toddler in a suit, and for proposing bills which stipulate that all phones “got games on it.”
Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin plans to launch its mega-rocket next year — continuing Bezos’ streak of having the longest mid-life crisis on record.
The Supreme Court revived the Biden administration’s regulations on “ghost guns.” According to IMDB, the decision technically counts as a reboot, since its origins date back to some of Biden’s many un-produced scripts from the 70s, including the Ghost Gun trilogy, The Legend of Corn Pop, and a bizarre Dirty Harry ripoff called Dirty Joey.
Finally…
Germany has spent over fifty thousand euros on Angela Merkel’s hair and makeup since she left office. Upon reviewing Merkel’s public appearances since her departure in 2021, sympathetic German’s have insisted on paying even more, asking “Will a hundred thousand fix it?”
Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!
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A JOKE FROM THE VAULT!
Every conversation with an uncle kinda feels like this… (check out more Uncertain Life comics here!)
SOMETHING MORE?
Perhaps my podcast interview with Greg Proops will suffice. It’s a conversation I think back to often. Proops’ mind moves so swiftly, and it was fun digging through his encyclopedic knowledge of comedy and more.
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See you tomorrow with five more jokes!
