Five Jokes: 9-1-2023
Five Jokes: 9-1-2023
'X' Privacy Policy Update, Bull Pulled Over, Humanity's Ancestors Nearly Died Out, Party Patrol Drones, & A Faulty Movie Ratings System
REMINDER: I’m taking the rest of September off from ‘Five Jokes’ updates because I’m GETTING MARRIED! But you can look forward to more interviews and blog-style posts in their place. See you in October!
(and if you want to send me a wedding gift my Venmo is “@ TimBarnesComedy” 😉)
-Tim
Hey! It’s Friday, U.S. job growth is expected to cool, and so are these Five Jokes (because they’re fresh out of the oven)!
Y’all hear about this?..
An upcoming privacy policy update shows that Elon Musk's ‘X’ wants to collect users' biometric data and education history. Which is concerning because ‘biometric data’ and ‘education history’ are the two things Musk asks for on date. Experts worry that the next update will “…somehow technically make all users his spouse.”
Police stopped a Nebraska man for having a bull riding shotgun in his car. “This is bullsh*t!” shouted the man. “No, THAT is bullsh*t,” pointed the officer.
A study suggests that humanity’s ancestors nearly died out. I can’t imagine why — Tim typed before putting on his heavy summer coat and driving through smog-filled traffic to get his Covid vaccine and a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
New York police will use drones to monitor backyard parties this weekend. And while New Yorkers are deeply concerned, officers are thrilled that they no longer have to patrol Labor Day parties via hang glider.
Finally…
The MPAA is getting called out for giving explicit ratings for gay sex scenes that are tamer than those in “heterosexual” movies that were given a pass. The MPAA is now scrambling for solutions to equalize their ratings system in a manner that allows them keep being weird about gay stuff — ranging from mandatory ‘gay sex scene alerts’ to a mandatory ‘straight shades option,’ in which movie goers have the choice of wearing goggles that claim to digitally ‘straighten’ sex scenes, despite them actually just being normal 3D glasses.
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