Five Jokes: 1-24-2025

A Hacking Plot Against Climate Activists, A Jan. 6 Defendant Turns Down Her Own Pardon, Meta Platforms Block Abortion Pill Providers, Penguins In Antarctica Brace For Impact, and Viral 'Canada' Hats

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Hey! It’s Friday in America and I’d like to thank you all for the recent uptick in subscriptions. If you like what I’m doing here like processing the world five jokes a day, interviewing entertainers and thinkers on the You Are The Genre podcast once a week, and more, please share one of the things you like with a friend! Crazy to know this newsletter could potentially reach 1k by the end of the year.

Anyway, here are FIVE JOKES!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• The U.S. is trying to unravel a hacking plot that targeted climate activists. The search is being conducted in the style of the classic “hot and cold game” with government officials knowing they’re closer to the source based on climate activists shouting, “cold… warm… warmer… globally warmer… hot, hot, HOT!”

• One of the Jan. 6 defendants has turned down Trump's pardon, telling NPR it would be a dishonor to the truth of what happened that day. Trump, in turn, has replaced her pardon with an “excuse you?!”

• Instagram and Facebook blocked and hid abortion pill providers’ posts. Unsurprisingly, the posts were fully visible once the pills were re-branded the pills as “migrant fetus deporters.”

• A wall of ice the size of Rhode Island is heading toward the penguin-packed island off Antarctica — and as much as the omniscient voice of Morgan Freeman would like to warn them, the director keeps telling him to stick to the script.

Finally…

• 'Canada is not for sale' hats have gone viral. Tied close behind them in sales them are hats labeled Make Canada France Again and Canada Is British Innit?

  

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🎨: Madhuri Shukla

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

Giovanni Miguel Naarendorp and Dinner For One provide you with this Masterclass on white allyship:

STRAY THOUGHT

IN OTHER NEWS…

[Interesting Headlines Minus Jokes]

• Utah students can no longer bring personal copies of banned books to school…

• A developer has created an infinite maze that traps AI training bots…

• Scientists detect chirping cosmic waves in an unexpected part of space…

• Centuries-old stone Buddha statues and precious jewelries repatriated by the Dutch government to its former colony are on display at Indonesia’s National Museum, providing a glimpse into the country’s rich heritage that the government had struggled to retrieve…

• The NFL, which has deals with X and Meta, told the New England Patriots to shut down their Bluesky account…

• And… The FDA approved Johnson & Johnson’s nasal spray for depression as stand-alone treatment.

SOMETHIN’ MORE!

Episode 3 of my animated web series, Maurice on Mars!

And a glimpse into Biden’s life, post-presidency:

Joe Biden Wakes Up In The 'Severance' Conference Room

“Why are is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it all here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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