Five Jokes: 3-15-2024
Russian Elections, Lab-Grown Meat, Layoff Stats, Worldwide McDonald's Outages, and Helium Mining On The Moon
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Hey! It’s Friday in America, and here are five jokes!
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Y’all hear about this?..
Russia has an election this weekend and Vladimir Putin is all but assured another term. In fact, the only other options beyond his name on the ballot say, “Or else.”
States are lining up to ban lab-grown meat — bringing us closer to a Breaking Bad reboot where the only illegal things Walter White cooks has a layer of lettuce, tomato, and cheese.
McDonald’s system outages have been reported worldwide. No official reason has been provided but multiple customers report hearing McFlurry Machines say, “I’m not broken, you are.”
Middle managers make up almost a third of layoffs in the US. And companies would fire even more people if only they had someone in more of an in-between position who knows how things work on the ground.
Finally…
A startup will try to mine helium-3 on the moon. So, next time you’re feeling sympathetic for the old man in Up, remember he’s the reason we need to fill birthday balloons with space air.
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
Re-frame your mind with
…https://twitter.com/alexfromoakland/status/1766726959088766997
STRAY THOUGHT
This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):
SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!
Read my 2023 TEXT MESSAGE interview with comedian Ian Abramson!
![A [TEXT MESSAGE] Conversation With Comedian Ian Abramson](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_140,h_140,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa3b5e745-3e4e-4b76-9d30-f7e414019cf5_3000x2569.png)
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