Five Jokes: 8-22-2023
Five Jokes: 8-22-2023
Domino’s Pizza Leaving Russia, Chris Hayes Hitting The Road, Donald Trump Turning Himself In, Mario Ambassador, & Burger King Worker Paid In Candy!
Hey! It’s Tuesday, eight candidates qualify for the first Republican debate, and none of them are mentioned in these Five Jokes!
Y’all hear about this?..
Domino’s Pizza is ending business in Russia. They cited Russia’s upgrade from a Small Personal Conflict With Ukraine to an Extra Large War With Global Toppings as the reason.
Chris Hayes will hit the road this fall with his 'Why Is This Happening?' podcast tour. And it’s a pretty genius move. Especially for red states, where anyone walking past a poster of his face with that title will definitely purchase a ticket.
“That’s what I’ve been asking!!”
Donald Trump will turn himself in at Fulton County jail on Thursday. The prison is keeping four cells available for him: One for his body, one for his ego, one for any documents he sneaks in, and one for anyone who needs to recover from learning how he managed to do it.
Charles Martinet, the voice of Nintendo's beloved Mario character, is stepping down and will now serve in the role of "Mario Ambassador." He’s taking the new role quite seriously. In a press conference, Martinet expressed his eagerness to conduct peace talks in the Middle East, stating, "MAMA HOOHAHOO WOWOW!"
Finally…
Burger King gave candy to a worker who never called in sick, but the internet gave him $400k. This has sparked a new business model in which companies pay employees with gummmy worms in hopes that the public will launch a nation-wide GoFundMe to pay them with cash. When the public runs out of cash, we’ll have an entirely gummy worm based economy that’ll only crash if they melt.
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A JOKE FROM THE VAULT!
Seeing as how there’s a big GOP presidential debate in Milwaukee tomorrow, let’s take a trip down memory lane with my coverage of the 2015 GOP debate in Milwaukee. Time is a flat circle made of cheese, isn’t it?
SOMETHING MORE?
Check out my three-day text message interview with comedian, Ian Abramson!
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